I'm so confused

A while back I participated in a rather sexual post that got deleted from the forum (and rightfully so). It was a lot of fun talking about the crazy things we've done and I expressed a desire to "play" now that I'm free from the overbearing extremely jealous relationship I was in. So a friend suggested I try a "swingers" group. She told me that I could pick and choose and only go with straight guys if that's what I want. That sounded about right and I found a group on Yahoo that is based in Albuquerque. I haven't participated in any of the get togethers and I'm somewhat turned off by the whole thing.

I keep telling my friends that I don't want a real relationship right now but I'm not a swinger and I want something. I don't want to get into a relationship and lead someone on and make him think it's serious when it isn't. Between work and school I don't see how I'd have the time or energy for a relationship. But I miss having a man in bed with me.

What do I really want?

I miss the good times.

I miss the look on his face when I'd say something totally outrageous.
I miss having him sneak up behind me and give me a hug while I'm cooking dinner.
I miss the silly wacky stuff we would come up with.
I miss the serious science conversations.
I miss sex.
I miss having someone to spoil.

There's a lot I don't miss that outweighs what I miss.

I don't miss the false accusations.
I don't miss the wild jealousies.
I don't miss the paranoia.
I don't miss the put downs.
I don't miss the lies.
I don't miss the mind games.

Will I ever find the good without all the bad?