Saturday, May 23, 2009

Walk With Me

A few years ago I wrote a poem called "Walk With Me". In a fit of anger over his betrayal I erased the poem from my computer but I still remember the last three lines.

Walk with me and be my friend
Walk with me and be my lover
Walk with me forever

I wrote it for someone I thought was my soul mate. I was wrong.

But each person who enters our lives touches us and changes us in ways we don't often realize until years later. Some we never realize because their contact with us was a fleeting moment. But, like the butterfly effect they do help shape who we are.

We are the sum of our experiences intertwined with our genetic code.

Take a moment and ponder the people who have come and gone in your life and how they affected you. What was good about it and what was bad?

Can you erradicate the bad and only keep the good? I think you can but it takes a lot of inner soul searching and mental strength. Like I said in the beginning of this post he betrayed me and made me much more wary of who I associate with. I've spent the past two years erradicating the damage he did to me and building up the positive things he and others brought into my life.

I'm undecided about that wariness. It seems to be a double edged sword. But I do believe that a true friend will prevail.

I would like to find someone to walk with me forever. But first I'm going to make sure that they really are my friend.

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Afew words about what happened. He was severly abused as a child and hates himself. He would hurt me to punish himself. At some point I was so hurt and scared that I started abusing him back. I'm glad it's over and I'm trying to learn what I can from the experience.

45 comments:

  1. That is beautiful...I like it. Happy Memorial Day weekend. Hope everyone finds peace in their souls and love in their hearts.

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  2. Very well said and so very true.....

    I guess even someone who has done us harm and did not turn out to be who we thought, can affect us inmeasurably.....

    Would you say that he changed who you are for the better? Worse? Or a combination of the two?
    Blabs

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  3. Hi Italco!!!!! Happy Memorial Day weekend to you too......Blabs

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  4. Thanks italco.

    The same to you and your beautiful wife.

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  5. Good morning blabs!

    Initially all I saw was the bad. It took me months to work through the trauma and erradicate the worst of it. I was a totally different person for a while. I was consumed with fear and anger.

    Now that I've had time to get my real self back I'm able to look back and see some of the good influences he had on me.

    It's been an interesting jouney.

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  6. Geonite, beautiful writing!!!
    You're a very strong woman and you've overcome so much...
    I'm very proud of you!!!

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  7. Thanks you ANAV.

    I know you've been through a lot too. I appreciate your friendship.

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  8. I too had a traumatic ending of a serious relationship and by the way you described the effects it had on you, I think I can say "ditto". It was a long time for the trust issue to resolve itself. Vulnerability has far reaching effects.

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  9. that last word should have been "tentacles".

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  10. Thanks...
    You know when it comes to a past relationship to me, since I have been cheated on, it did hurt. 3 years I was with this girl and when I found out she was with another guy, we broke up. she married that guy 5 months later. Took me a while to really get over her...Things happen huh?

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  11. He didn't "cheat" on me in the sense you are talking about ANAV. What he did was much much much more hurtful than that.

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  12. And I have to get going too. I really do have to work today. I have an 11 AM appointment in Tres Piedras.

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  13. Oh I know, I remember we talked about this before, just wanted to share my past experience...
    Talk to you later and have a good day...

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  14. Geo, I'm so glad to see that you found another home. I have 2, one here and one on Wordpress. I hope that you find that person who realizes what a gem you are. The last three lines of that poem are beautiful, wish that you still had the rest. Now, I am going to finish my coffee and get back to weeding this garden. Have a great Memorial Day weekend. And don't work too hard.

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  15. Now that I have posted as ctlss, in the future I will use my name from blogspot, and my blogspot url, here.

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  16. When I got dumped by the first girl I loved it took me over two years to get over her. I wasn't angry just hurt. I guess when I fall for a girl I fall hard. ;-)

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  17. lette!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    I'm so happy to see you here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  18. This wasn't a dumping this was abuse.

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  19. Stephanie, welcome to my corner.

    He did appreciate me. That was a huge part of the problem. He hates himself and couldn't stand being happy. So he'd hurt me to punish himself.

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  20. Damn girl!!!! You could have said something to me before you left. I thought I'd never hear from you again.

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  21. Thank you, Geo. That is so much harder, because it is so hard to understand. I have been in the same place. Then I found my hubby who loves me unconditionally. I posted the story on my blogspot blog last fall, when we celebrated out 27th wedding anniversary. Anyway, I am glad that I was able to find you on blogspot.

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  22. I was so pissed on Thursday, I had to leave! I got a "warning" from David Williams for going after BriMio. I spent part of the day copying titles and links to my reports, so that I could always locate them. I basically told David to piss off and where to shove his site.

    I deactivated my account around 6:00 in the evening. At 9:28, I got an e-mail stating that I was banned! I shot him an e-mail asking for an explanation. He claimed that I was "warned and did not stop!" WTF?? I wasn't even on the site most of the day. I told him he was probably looking and comments made PRIOR to his warning and was mistaken. Of course he never got back to me. He screwed up and won't admit it. He's too busy wiping egg off his face!

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  23. They'll probably think of a reason to ban me after I deactivate. They did it to italco too.

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  24. I can't believe they haven't figured out that Brio Mio is a returned banned iReporter. That was what really made me sick and decide to leave.

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  25. Trust me! BrioMio is bonbonnie! Same behavior, same crap, same report topics! Bonbonnie actually threw a tantrum and deactivated. She wasn't banned.

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  26. Pretty soon she will be alone on that site. Except for the people who just post something and then leave.

    I can't believe some of the flack I'm taking because of OCGirl. Even other people she had attacked for no reason are not making me the ogre.

    I'm glad I saw through infoaddict before this happened or I would have asked the backstabbing two faced traitor to join me here.

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  27. It's funny, last night I was telling my husband that I would probably have him or someone else get a message to you. I saw your post about leaving. I had every intention of keeping in touch with you! ;-)

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  28. Gill sent me an e-mail this morning telling me where you were.

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  29. We're still missing a few here.

    Anyone know where numbersdude is?

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  30. Good, I hope he shows himself.

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  31. Hey Lette, Happy to see you here,,,,
    I read your comment so, I know what happened now.....
    Sorry to hear about it.....
    The place is falling apart.....
    For their sake they better get new and interesting people....Because the most commented comment count is 46 comments....
    Lette and Geonite both can get that many comments on a joke post......
    Oh well...Hopefully Numbers will join us too.
    AND gill.....
    BLABS

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  32. My real name is Mar in Spanish....and that is what I use on google......
    Finally figured it out.....
    I am NOT known for my PC skills....
    Blabs

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  33. It's been so slow on ireport these past 2 days...

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  34. Hey Blabs! Good to see you too. I told Gill to forward the whole exchange between David Williams and I. He's just mad that I actually deactivated after I said I would! I was done and had closed that chapter.

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  35. gill is here! She commented on my first post.

    Hey Mar! Great to see you here with a profile. Let me know when you upload a post.

    You too Lette.

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  36. Yeah I figured it wasn't just being dumped. Just sharing a little of my non-Deity history.

    ANAV - It's been dead the past week as far as I could tell. Other than the 800 reports on Michael Vick.

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  37. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  38. My dear friend takamine69 did a tribute post to me!

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Miri 1994-2009

Miri 1994-2009
I Miss You